It is already a night time.

The moon is tearing apart, sinking into darkness, getting heavy and cold. Stars are pulsing with this timid light and one can not know if it is already time to cry out all those sorrows and pain. Sky is turning into immense dark ocean with sun goodnight-kissed waves. Everyone is sleeping, but one still can not know if it is already the right time. The eyes are looking up and the ocean pours all its salty water to them. Too much of it. One can not hold that much of the ocean and the water starts to burst onto those cheeks, cleaning the soul and burning an entire face. It hurts. It hurts a lot. Madly. Insanely. But one still can not know if it is already the time. The right time.

'I am not beautiful.'-she told.

'What are You saying? How You dare to say  these words? Never again repeat that! You are the most beautiful in the entire world!'-I said.

I thought, honestly, I thought that the people at this age do not really think of those things. Do not think only skin-deep. 

'Do You think she is beautiful?'-I have asked.

'What? Of course she is! I have chosen the most beautiful!'- he answered and looked to her side.

I looked at her, looked at him and unconsciously felt tears accumulating in my eyes, rolling down my cheeks. 

Of course she is. He had chosen the most beautiful one. 

No. He did not love her. Oh no, she did not love him. Everything is simple. Simple as that.
But none of them have ever told that to each other. Until yesterday when he told her: 'you know, the problem is that I do not love you'. 'Do not love you, do not love, you, you, you'- just like an echo crossed her ears. He does not love her. He did not love her.

Everything should have been easy. Easier. Somehow. Now she sits on the couch and tears are rolling through her cheeks. They are burning them. It has been months since she cried. It somehow feels different.
Oh no, she did not love him.
But...
But somehow she got used to be with him. She got used to be surrounded by this calmness. By his calmness. She got used to and this is why it hurts now. It hurts. A little bit too much. It burns. A little bit too damn much.

Even though she smiles, because of her smile the heart is tearing apart. Is splitting in two. Is cracking, bleeding and hurts. So much. Because of this smile it is cold. Like during the winter: without shoes and scarf. It is freezing and she has no idea where she should go, because whenever she goes, she can feel it.

The more I live the more I fall in love with the dogs. They are loyal and they are grateful, but what is the most important is that they never leave You alone. They never hurt You. This is why I feel higher need to take care of a dog rather than a human. And if I can... I would take all of them to my house and feed them, take them for a walk, wash them and play with them...

It is already the evening and I have this almost one-year-old beauty sleeping on her warm furry blanket, near the pillow with Christmas ornaments on the ground. I hear her breathing and understand when she is dreaming. Oh my... How much does she dreams! And then, after every kind of adventure that she was dreaming of, she just gives a deep sigh. It surely fascinates me. This treasure. This amazing, unique, spectacularly smart dog.

This girl! How she does that? How she lights up the room whenever she enters it? It seems that her life is worth-living! You know what? This girl is vulnerable. This girl cries. This girl begs for safety. This girl is the one You must take care of.

Hug her till she is no longer strong. Do it till she opens up her soul with all these wounds.

You have looked at me and asked if everything was fine. Of course I did say that yes, because this is what I was taught. Everything is fine. Everything is great. Yes, I am alright.

Why?

Because at the end of the day nobody really gives a damn about You. Nobody calls You just to make sure if You are healthy. They call if they need something from You: help, advice, response. They are selfish. And what about me? I pretend to be selfish. This is silly, but life, or better say, people have taught me this way. You have to be selfish. Though... Sometimes it is really hard. To pretend that You do not care how others are doing. To pretend that You do not care if they are healthy, happy, enjoying what they do. It is hard. To be this way. To be rude. Really hard.  But You just can not go there and start asking them every single they how do they feel even though You care...

Why?

Because they will start using You. They will not appreciate it. They will take You for granted...

I used to love fondly, deeply and without any borders. I used to believe and have faith in people. I used to trust. These are the main reasons why I am so broke right now. You want to know the truth? Do You? Just look me in the eyes. Look me in the eyes till I will not handle it anymore and turn my head to side. Just look me in the eyes and they will say everything. Your doubts. Your dreams. Your wishes. Your sorrows... They will answer to You. Just look me in the eyes.